Workshop held on how to better support those going through grief

Erin Matthes, health educator with SEARHC in Sitka, came up with the idea for a "grief and bereavement workshop" out of a desire to debunk myths about grief and help lessen stigmas attached to it. Her work, she said, focuses on education and support in the areas of aging, end of life, and grief and bereavement. She is also a licensed professional counselor, and recently earned her certification in Thanatology, or the study of death and bereavement. She said that over the last five or six years her work has really focused on the subject of grief.

She offered a workshop to Brave Heart Volunteers, an end of life support organization, in Sitka that went really well. She offered the workshop to the Wrangell hospice after speaking with local resident Alice Rooney, she said, but decided to open it up to the public. She added that the turnout for the Wrangell workshop was impressive, and she was happy to see so many people from different walks of life coming together to learn how to support one another.

"It is really for anyone," Matthes said. "What I would love to see is, well, people who are grieving and who feel like they're not doing it correctly, somehow. I'd love to take that off their shoulders. That's one group I feel very strongly about. The other group would be providers, just supporting providers and being supportive to people who are grieving."

While the workshop covered many different aspects of the grieving process, Matthes said there was a simple mantra for people wanting to help those who have lost a loved one: Be yourself, be open, be quiet, and be there. There are different ways to be supportive under each category of that mantra, she said. For example, "be yourself" means to not be scared of messing up or not knowing what to say. "Be open" means to try and avoid comparing losses, or to judge someone for reacting to grief differently than expected. "Be quiet" means to listen rather than to talk, and to not treat grief as a fixable problem instead of a difficult process. "Be there" simply means to be there for a grieving friend of family member by helping with chores, making food, or even just being a shoulder to cry on.

"It [grief] is very unique, just as love is unique," said Matthes. "The relationship they had with the person who's died is unique to them. We talked a little bit about, in a small community, how so many of us are impacted by the same loss, and so that's going to look different even though people are grieving the same person. Each person is going to have their own response to that and their own expression of that."

The workshop also offered more practical tips on how to support someone who is grieving. These tips included leaving care packages, taking their pets for a walk for them, remembering important dates like birthdays or anniversaries, and to simply spend time with the grieving person. The workshop also gave people the opportunity to explore their own relationship with grief, by asking questions about important people they had lost, what kind of support they had, and how family and religious backgrounds affected their grieving process.

"I think people who are grieving do, typically give those who are trying, the grace to mess up, and recognize that they are making an effort," said Matthes.

The workshop also provided attendees with online and literary resources to help them better understand grief and how to help others around them. Matthes also said that she is always available as a resource, and that she would love feedback on the workshop. She can be reached at ematthes@searhc.org or by phone at (907) 966-8720.