Accuracy matters in communication

For the second time in my life, I almost walked into a women’s restroom.

The first time was almost a decade ago. I was between flights at the Amsterdam airport. Tired after 10 hours nonstop in the air, a little disoriented and confused, and definitely in need of a restroom before visiting the duty-free shops to load up on chocolates for the next leg of my trip.

I spotted the familiar stick-figure signs for the restrooms. It looked like a guy to me, and I don’t remember a dress on the stick figure. Maybe it lost something in the translation from Dutch.

As you probably have figured out by now, there was a dress on that stick figure, and the person walking out of the restroom as I was about to step in most definitely was a woman.

I think I said something about stupid Americans and turned around faster than a political candidate can flip on the campaign trail.

Then it happened again last month, when I was visiting a friend in Olympia, Washington.

We were having lunch (an excellent meatloaf sandwich, by the way, covered in melted cheese and most certainly not on my doctor’s approved list). My friend had just returned from the restroom and I asked one word, “Where?” She pointed the direction and I followed her point.

This is where two assumptions proved false.

She assumed the men’s restroom was in the same corner as the women’s room. And I assumed when she pointed, she knew for certain and would not direct me wrong.

Yes, we were both mistaken. A fact I discovered as I was about to step inside the wrong restroom once again.

My friend and I were guilty of a common affliction: Miscommunication. In this case, I imagine I could have been arrested if my misstep had stepped too far into the women’s room, and I’m not sure the police would have accepted my excuse that I assumed my friend knew where she was pointing and that I was too confident not to see the stick figure with the dress.

To a writer, however, ordinary events often point to deeper issues. I see and hear a lot of poor decisions, inaccurate assumptions and mistakes based on the inability to ask the right question or give a complete answer.

Miscommunication wasn’t born in the age of the iPhone. It’s probably been around since the first wars between nations. But abbreviated texts, short answers, emojis and tweets certainly have accelerated inaccuracy.

People need to put down the phone that is glued to their hand, take out the earbuds that are imbedded in their head, give their texting thumbs a rest and talk face to face. We need to ask the entire question, not just a segment. In my case, I needed to stop thinking about the next text — or the deliciously juicy meatloaf sandwich — long enough to ask: “Do you know where the men’s restroom is?”

Nods of the head and snippets of information are not enough, and can lead to misunderstandings. Even worse, they create distance between people. While they may bring a community together on the opening time for a rummage sale, they can divide a community with half answers to half questions.

It’s about communication. Ask a full question before forming opinions, listen to the answer, and don’t assume a head gesture — the old version of an emoji — is a full answer.

You know what they say about assumptions: You could get kicked in the ass for walking into the wrong restroom.